Source : Google photo of orphans in Rumania waiting for adoption
Synopsis: The
issue of surrogacy comes to light because of the advances in the medical
technology that makes it possible. Yet it remains a taboo subject in many
societies where women prefer to make their own kids whether or not they are
financially fit to do so. This results in the population explosion in the
poorer class in any country where their biological need overrides the financial
and social worries. This blog looks at the option of adoption of orphans as a
way to help millions of such children.
Yesterday I was watching a Hindi movie where an American
couple who had no children and could not have one went to India to find a
strong and healthy woman who could bear their child through surrogacy.
They found a beautiful young woman who was a dancer in a
local night club but had dreams of going to Bollywood to become a movie star
someday. She needed a lot of money so was finally convinced that she will
become a surrogate mother for a large sum of money the American couple offered.
She did not understand what surrogacy meant so a fertility clinic doctor
explained to her that she did not have to sleep with the American in order to
get pregnant. This is where the modern technology came in.
So the young woman got pregnant but she was unmarried so it
created quite a scandal in the community where she lived not to mention her own
parents and relatives so she stayed with her Moslem friend somewhere during the
pregnancy who hid her in her safe house.
In due course of time she gave birth to a healthy male
child who was very fair and had blue eyes. But the doctor in the fertility
clinic had warned the would be American parents that the child may be born with
some birth defect so they decided not to accept the child and went home. But
the doctor was wrong because the child was born healthy.
The child was loved by her mother and all the people who
showered their love on him as he was growing up with food, gifts and numerous
other things. The child knew no other family.
Later the American couple came back to claim their son when
they knew that he was born normal and was healthy but now came a twist in the
story when the young woman refused to hand over her son to the Americans
because she was his mother and suffered all the pains of childbirth .She was
very attached to her son and would not part with him which happens frequently
in such cases of surrogacy. Her relatives supported her and were willing to
fight it out in the court but their lawyer suggested that the court would favor
the American couple in this case because it was a contract they had agreed
upon.
To make the long story short, the final outcome was that
the young mother agreed to hand over the child to his American parents because
she saw a better future for him in America than in India. All of her relatives
were against her because they loved the kid and wanted her to keep him.
So one day the American couple came to a meeting but
surprised the young woman by saying that she deserves the boy more than them
and they also have found a beautiful orphan girl they adopted so they are
happy. This was a happy ending for everybody but in real life such happy
endings are not guaranteed.
This movie made me think about surrogacy and adoption and
their merits and disadvantages. In the case of surrogacy, there may be
complications as was shown in the movie because the complications are more
common than one can imagine.
In the case of this young woman, she was the real
biological mother of the child because she received just the sperm that was artificially
injected into her but she did the rest herself.
But in other cases where a sperm fertilizes an egg in vitro
in a lab and later introduced into a woman, she becomes a true surrogate but may
also develop an attachment to the new born and may refuse to hand over the
baby. If there is no problem then everybody is happy but if there are problems
then it may be a point of contention and even a legal case.
So I was thinking that the American couple came to a wise
decision by giving up their claim on the boy child and adopting a child from an
orphanage so it was a happy ending for everybody especially the boy and his
mother.
Once I had advised a couple in India to adopt a child
because their daughter died of a birth defect so they were very unhappy. I told
them that an adopted child will know them as the real parent and will bring
them the joy and happiness that was missing from their life. Later they found a
baby girl in a hospital where her mother had abandoned her and fled because
perhaps she was illegitimate that could have caused her mother some social
problems, India being a very traditional society.
Now that child is a healthy girl of ten and is doing very
well in her school. But adoption is rare in India because women tend to produce
their own children and do not accept an adopted child. It is more of a social
issue than anything else. Adopted children and step children are not very well
accepted by the step mother or father because of this social prejudice while in
other countries it is not an issue. I have friends who have adopted several
children and have given them all their love and support but India lags far
behind when it comes to adoption let alone the issue of surrogacy that is a
very new concept to most women.
There is also a gender bias in India where women prefer
male children so there are horrific statistics on female infanticide because of
this gender bias. Many women secretly abort their female children because they
consider them as liabilities so the hospitals are not allowed to disclose the
gender of the baby before birth to prevent female infanticide.
Our own daughter who was born in an Indian hospital was not
given a birth certificate with her name on it that was fortunately corrected
later. Women showed their disappointment just because she was a girl and the
trans genders who show up at the gate demanding money and gifts if a male child
is born did not show up. We were happy that we had a beautiful child and
relieved when the trans genders did not come to demand money.
The point is that whether you have a child of your own or
through surrogacy or adoption, a child always brings joy to the parents and grandparents
irrespective of the gender. It is a grave mistake some parents make to favor
their sons over daughters because such daughters grow up feeling less loved
that may develop in them a sense of insecurity and of low self-esteem. But a
child who is loved and cared for by his or her parents equally becomes a
successful person and surprises her parents in very unexpected ways. ( Please
read my blog on Akiane Kramarik here
)
The feudal social norms in India perpetuate the myth of the superiority of male over the female so the bias against female children is built into their mentality. It is a serious social issue that needs to change but such changes are very slow to come in the patriarchal societies in India. I have seen a slow change in the attitude of women now who tend to have fewer children than their previous generation due to the economic issues but more women need to overcome their bias and support female children whether their own or adopted. Surrogacy is still very far from their mind.
The gender bias exists everywhere resulting in lower and
slower promotion of female causes in the workplace, in education and in many
other situations although that is slowly changing. The rural population in many
countries that is less educated and poorer than their counterparts in cities is
more prone to the gender bias against women because of their firm belief that
women are good only for home and hearth. Their religious beliefs also play a
significant role in their gender bias that favor boys over girls.
Now with free education for all, more and more girls are
going to school everywhere that gives them the opportunity to break free of the
home and hearth scenarios. So I believe that only the education and special
skills training for all opens up doors for all for new opportunities for them
that were not available previously.
Source : Syrian war orphan waiting for adoption
You may not believe it but there are over 150 million
children worldwide who are anxiously waiting to be adopted legally. Most are
orphans who have lost their parents to war or natural calamities while others
may be illegitimate children abandoned by their biological parents due to
social stigma and restrictions. The governments
of many countries run orphanages that are poorly funded, poorly run and where
children may suffer abuses and even molestations ( read my blog on Abuse of children here ) that do not
meet the demand adequately.
I therefore applaud all the parents who adopt children and
raise them as their own with all the love and care they can muster. Most women
can produce children but to raise them properly and give them all the
opportunities to reach their full potential is another matter that needs very
serious consideration.
Just remember that there are millions of orphans who need
your love and protection so bring them home and raise them as your own. You
will never regret it because such children will enrich your lives beyond your
greatest expectations. The American couple made the right decision.
Also read my blog Adoption
is an act of Altruism.
Note : My blogs are also available in French, Spanish, German and Japanese languages at the following links as well as my biography. My blogs can be shared by anyone anytime in any social media.
https://achtrjee.wixsite.com/mysite/blog
La biografía de anil en español.
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